Imbecile Much, Emmett?
by black polish and thick liner
Summary: When Emmett is tricked into getting a job, disaster falls on Newton's Olympic Outfitters. For The Two Sides of Twilight one-shot competition. Vote for me if you enjoy it!


**This is for The Two Sides of Twilight one-shot competition. Takes place during Eclipse. I hope you enjoy. Emmett's POV**

* * *

"Emmett, you need to get a job" were the first words I heard when I went into the kitchen.

And those seven words were the start of disaster.

"Why, Rose?" I smirked. "It's not like we need money or anything."

"We don't need money," she agreed. "But I need a husband who's not a lazy couch potato."

"I am _not_ a lazy couch potato! And I am NOT getting a job."

"YOU'LL GET A JOB IF I SAY SO!"

The house was shaking from the vibrations of her scream. It was so loud, the entire town of Forks could probably hear her, and probably did. Us Cullens were already covering our ears. If we were human, it'd be bye-bye eardrums for us.

"Geez, Rosalie," Jasper muttered. "You don't have to scream _that_ loud. I'd think you were married to an imbecile or something."

"She is," Bella whispered to him.

She had spent the night with us. Again. I swear that girl is another little sister. One that sleeps. And sleeping means I can pull pranks on her....although she STILL hasn't forgiven me for smearing mud in her hair. Even though I hadn't known her then. But I knew her now and I was NOT going to let her call me names.

"HEY!" I shouted. "I am NOT an imbecile!"

"Yes, you are," she argued. "I think we all know I'm right."

"She IS right, you know," Rose said.

"She is NOT."

"Sorry, Emmett, but I know that you are," Edward agreed. "I have been inside your mind after all."

Jasper nodded. "Emmett, your middle _name _is Imbecile.

Then something that I couldn't believe happened: Carlisle and Esme nodded their heads yes!

"You guys too?" I half-shouted."You're supposed to tell them to knock it off with the name calling!"

Carlisle shot an apologetic glance at me. "Sorry, Emmett, but you _did_ crash that hippie's van in '73."

Esme nodded and put her hand on Carlisle's shoulder. "That poor hippie," she murmured, and shook her head.

"If I looked up 'imbecile' in the dictionary, your picture would be next to it," Alice chirped.

I narrowed my eyes at her. "If you looked up 'annoying' in the dictionary, I'd find _your_ picture next to it."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she smirked.

Bella starting the name calling thing, my own adoptive _parents _calling me names, and discovering that Alice had discovered smirking-it all pushed me over the edge.

"I'll prove to all that I'm NOT an imbecile!" I declared triumphantly. "You'll see! YOU'LL ALL SEE!"

And with that, I walked out of the front door, off to find a job.

_*Ten minutes later*_

"Emmett _Cullen_?" Mike Newton asked in disbelief. "What are _you_ here for?"

"I'm here to get a job," I answered. "Everyone in my family thinks I'm an imbecile."

"Well gee, I wonder why," Mike muttered. But he said: "I think there are some spots open. The forms are right there." He pointed to a stack of papers.

"Great." I filled out the forms, then handed them to Mike's mom. "Where are the uniforms?"

"You can't start just yet," Mrs. Newton argued.

"But I have to start right now otherwise my family will call me insulting names!"

Mrs. Newton sighed angrily. "Fine. You can start now."

"Yay!"

She gave me a strange look-probably just wasn't used to my awesomeness yet.

Anyway, she gave me a uniform and so we waited for customers. But none showed up. I tried to be patient-I waited and waited and WAITED. It was a LONG time before I finally cracked. And even then, I didn't go all psycho like I usually do.

"NEWTON! WHERE ARE ALL THE FREAKING CUSTOMERS?!"

He trembled from behind the cash register, his eyes filled with stark fear. It was pretty funny. "I-it's only seven in the m-morning. N-nobody's awake yet."

"But I've been waiting FOREVER!"

"It's only been five minutes!"

"Oh."

I went back to waiting. It sucked.

Eventually, I gave up trying to be patient and went into one of the aisles. This one happened to sell kerosene lamps. I grinned as I pulled a little bag labeled "ARSENIC" out of my pocket. I didn't know what it was, but I was going to find out. I lit a lamp, then poured the arsenic inside. Immediately the lamp burst into flames and the smoke alarms went off.

"What's going on?!" Mrs. Newton shrieked. "Emmett!"

"I didn't do it!" I lied. "Let's just get out of here!"

"I'll call the fire department!" Mike shouted as the three of us ran outside.

They didn't make it in time, though. By the time the fire trucks got here, Newton's Olympic Outfitters was nothing but a pile of smoky rubble. A BIG pile of smoky rubble. Everything was burnt to a crisp.

Mrs. Newton stalked up to me, fury written all over her face. "NEVER come anywhere near us AGAIN!" she screamed.

I assumed that meant I was fired.

When I got home, news of the sudden freak fire of Newton's Olympic Outfitters was all over town. My family was not very happy about it, to say the least.

"Emmett," Carlisle sighed. "I can't believe you burned down-wait. Actually, I CAN believe it."

"You really are an imbecile after all," Alice agreed.

Edward was grinning. "Thanks, man. I owe you one."

"You do realize I didn't burn down the store for your benefit, right?"

"I heard Mike flirting with Bella. The jerk deserved to have his family store burnt down."

Esme sighed. "That's not nice."

"Esme, he was FLIRTING with her," Edward repeated. "Don't you understand what that means? It means he LIKES her. And I can't have that! Bella is mine! Mine! MINE!"

Bella slowly inched away from him. "Edward, are you mentally stable?"

"I think so."

"I don't," Rose argued.

"Me neither," Jasper agreed. "I can feel the weird possessive psycho wring-Mike-Newton's-neck vibes coming off him."

Bella inched farther away from him, then cleared her throat to speak.

"So to wrap it all up, Edward is crazy and Emmett is an imbecile," she concluded.

"Pretty much," Carlisle agreed.

Alice snickered. "Imbecile much, Emmett?"


End file.
